1988 - 1990

A few days ago I got a face book message from a 

person I went to high school with.

I didn't recall the name, or the face even at all.

The message was short and basically said, 

I just wanted to write a short note and tell you 

thanks for the encouragement and friendship 20 + yrs ago.

Silly hu - that I would hold on to that.

It was a turning point in that experience and journey in my life.

I dug around a bit and got out my old year books and gained 

some recognition and a face to go with the message.

But truthfully,

I don't remember doing or saying anything kind or helpful

to this person.

Which is really sad to me.

I have often thought of my high school years as a complete waste of 

time and space.

A really tough time for me.

This is the second surprise message I have gotten like this

in the past few years.

Both times I have been completely surprised 

and extremely happy that I did something decent in my younger days 

that I wasn't even aware of.

It really got me thinking....

remembering, what I could, anyway.

I thought back about a girl that was a life line to me.

She came into my life with her bright smile and scooped me up.

She befriended me and sought me out time and again.

Camille Egan.

I don't know what happened to her after high school.

I have tried to find her on fb to let her know how much I appreciated 

her tender mercies.  

She was a year older than me.

Very cool, sporty, smart, popular and very good.

I was kind of a rebel that had no idea what I was doing.

Or where I was going,

or where I fit in.

Always felt like I was grasping at straws,

slip sliding every which way,

wasn't yet anchored in the gospel...and was blowing in the wind.

Probably making myself sound like such a pathetic case....

I always wondered why me?

Why is Camille seeking me out?

Who gave her this assignment?

My mom?

My seminary teacher?

Am I her personal progress goal?

Maybe she has a side job full of these floundering kids she

offeres her friendship to in her spare time to help them get a grip.

Who knows?

I never did know if there was more to the story.

I only knew she was my friend.

She did not need me to enhance her popularity.

I couldn't drive her anywhere....she drove...not me.

She had no reason to dump me....

I never pursued her, she came to me.

Time and again she made my day.

She introduced me to Amy Grant.....we went 

to her concert together.

I was reminded of her demeanor when I read her year book note....

Melissa.....thanks so much for being my friend, 

and making me laugh when I am with you.

I respect you a lot, and I'm proud to know you......

She made an imprint on my life.

I would love to tell her....

maybe it would make her day....

she probably hears it all the time.

Maybe, maybe not.

I can promise that you would never have known I was 

so insecure.

Fake it till you make it.

Smile.  Breath.  Walk in.  Eyes up.  Laugh a little.  Breath.  Smile. 

.....you don't care, and nothing matters.

I did have friends.....good ones.

I hope they would never think I felt differently.

I wonder if they felt the same as me sometimes....
not quite sure of anything.

I couldn't tell if they did.

 Look at our big hair!  My chubby cheeks....

My two brother in laws, and above them is Mel, my sister in law.

Pretty funny.

Be kind to others.

You never know when just being a friend is the only thing

 someone needs.

To be noticed, to be loved.