Get A Grip.....

This is one of Kev's favorite sayings.

In our house we know it is code for "Hold to the Rod".

Stay close to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I believe it came from one of his past lessons in Elders Quorum.

It is common when the boys are heading out the door for K to 

holler out to them, 

Hey Ryker, Get a Grip son, Get a Grip!

I have always liked this,
 it came to my mind today as I was running.

I was thinking back to this past Sunday, Fast Sunday.....

and how much I had wanted to get up and share my testimony.

I had all the symptoms barring down on me,

pounding, racing heart,

nerves pricked and on edge,

jittery, sweating, anxious, excited.

I kept waiting for a lull in the action.

A break in the procession.

I mentioned to K that I was going to make my move soon.

He was like, what, no, just let the people go.

Sheeesh!

Anyway, that is what I did.

I let all of the other people go.

I loved the meeting so much.  

Every testimony was a much needed glass of "living"water for me.

My cup was brimming to over flowing at the end.

My empty glass was once again renewed and full.

I have a good friend whom I admire very much.

Sometimes I remember back,
to maybe a year ago when she was really 

distraught and concerned.

She said she had stopped getting that feeling of needing to 

bear her testimony.

Prior to this stage she had felt it many times,

almost regularly on each fast Sunday.

She said she got into the habit of just ignoring it,
simply waiting it out until it passed....

it eventually always did.

She did this because of lots of reasons.....

She was too nervous to go up.

She didn't want to leave the kids on the bench alone.

She wasn't sure of what she would say, etc.

Then one day she realized that she had not had that feeling in a while. 

She began waiting for it,

expecting it,

anticipating it....

even got to the point of praying for its return and fasting for 

confirmation that she could still feel the spirit.

She was truly at a loss, heartbroken and scared that she 

had repressed it for so long that she would not get it back.

She was not sure she could share her testimony with out that burning feeling.

Anyway, I remember the day she finally got up and bore her testimony again.

I knew that she had waited for, fasted, and prepared,
and that no matter what,

whether the spirt she sought came or not, 

she would have faith, 

and would be bearing her testimony on that Sunday.

It was a spiritual, happy reunion. 

That has stuck with me....

I want to keep that feeling coming.

The time ran out on me on Sunday.

That is ok, 

there was not a testimony shared that I would have wanted to miss

to make space for my own. 

 I think back about that feeling as it left my body.....

fully aware of it's pending departure if I declined to 

accept its call.

My heart rate slowed,

lump in my throat softened and went away,

all systems back to normal.

One of the final testimonies was a brother that said his wife 

gave him the nudge he needed when she reminded him that this Sunday,

the 4th of December, would be his last chance to 

bear his testimony this year.

Oh my Goodness!!!

I don't want to miss my chance to share my feelings before 

2011 ends. 

Soooooo....

sorry, but this may be long.... 

DECEMBER 1st!

Happy December 1st to YOU!!

The Christmas Holiday has officially begun.

(Really we all know it begins on Thanksgiving Day).

December makes it official.

It is such a happy, delicious time of year.

The house always feels cozy and extra special.

Candles blazing every day.

Homemade soup on the stove day after day.

(Kev did mention that he could not tollerate one more bowl of soup

tonight at dinner......what up??

Doesn't he get it is part of the season?)

 The other day M and I were riding our bikes home from school

and she said that one of her friends had asked her

why we don't just stay here for Christmas instead of going out 

to Utah every year.

McCauley was like, well.....

#1.  we don't have a chimney.

#2.  our cousins don't live here.

duh.

Good answers....spot on.

My sister recently posted about our younger brother,

and what a Fab pet owner he is.

How loving and kind and caring.

She said,

 I think the way people treat their pets spotlights much about 

a person's character.

Yeeesh....that is kinda harsh for me to hear.

Just in case you have wondered how Herbie is faring...

I thought I would give you a little sneak peak into her daily life next door.

* Chuck ain't got nothing on Charlie I can tell you.

Since A would not let C have Herbie inside,

C quickly began work on a luxurious home for his adored in the garage.

 Floral curtained entrance...

 Piped in heating,
 set at the desired temperature at all times.

Turns on and off at intervals as needed throughout the cold nights

Herbie is alone.

 Not one, but 3 plush pillows for Herbies comfort.

You can see the heating vent through the glassed in window

(for Herbie's viewing pleasure).

Yes.
When Herbie moved next door,

she definitely got an upgrade to life.

They are both extremely happy together.

Interesting back story HERE & HERE

.............................

Can't log off without adding something about running...

um,

I like this quote by Al Roker from the Today Show,

"With the Marathon, even if you're hurting, it's like, 

Well, I've come all this way.

Unless there's a bone poking out,

I might as well finish."

KEEP RUNNING......!!!

....not long to go!!!

Think back 10 years ago.....

I really enjoyed this book....

but more than that, 

I think I kind of needed it to.

I gobbled up the 423 pages in no time at all.

Kev has been out of town for 17 days, so I have had 

a little extra reading time.

When he is away, M always sleeps on his side of the bed,

she reads to me, says her prayers, then gets tucked in.

Next I get the boys settled,

and then I go straight to bed myself.

No staying up for t.v. time of any kind.

I hop in bed and read until I start falling asleep....

usually I get in at least a solid half hour.

When I excitedly told my sculpting girls about my

new book they all rolled their eyes and said 

that it sounded extremely lame.

Huh?

Are you people crazy?

That is what I was thinking about them.

The basic story line of the book is that Alice is a 39 year old

mother of three that has a fluke accident, 

gets a concussion and amnesia that takes away her memory 

of the past TEN years.

She comes to,

 believing that she is 29,

pregnant, and madly in love with her wonderful husband Nick.

The sad reality is that she is in fact 39,

in the middle of a nasty divorce and has become a 

mega control freak BEEEEatch.

It was eye opening.

It was sad and happy.

It was a lucky break for this lady.

An opportunity to see her life from a different perspective,

albeit her own.

I could relate on many levels,

one being Kev and I's communication.

I picked up on numerous communication errors that K and I

have participated in over the years.

We have gotten better on some,

still could improve on many others. 

This story deals with Alice's relationships in general,

she remembers what they were, 

and is surprised to see what they had become over the years.

Anyway.....I recommend it completely.

I think there is plenty to take away and glean from.

It got me wondering about myself.

Where was I at age 29, 

what was I like?

Did I like the person I was.....

am I pleased with who I have become?

We would have been in Florida one year.

Lawson would be almost a year old.

McCauley would not have been born or even thought of.

We were done having children.

We were happy with three boys.

I wore lots of covies....or overalls.....I have seen the pictures.

I guess being comfortable was my top priority.

I just went and found my journal from this time....

I was so wonderful!!!

I used to write all the time with little updates.

A few Quotes:

Jan. 14 2001 - I think I better read my scriptures before

the kids get up.  I'm on my 14th day straight of not missing my 

reading them.  I know that it helps me be a better mother and wife.

I have noticed already more patience, my reactions are more loving and calm.

Jan. 27, 2001 - Two days ago we had to drop Kev off at the airport.

He had to go to Columbia for a week or so....it is the "or so" that I don't like.

Gosh, it is so lonely with him being gone.

I hate not being able to count on him being home at night.

It is amazing how the kids and my days practically revolve around his coming

home in the evenings.  

We miss him a ton......I miss him.

I read of us getting our very first used piano (the piano we still have)

....I am so proud and 

in love with it.

Kev and I went sky diving while Peggy Russell baby sat our kids overnight.

I found out that one of my kids actually did have a "pooh fest" of their own.

It was Lawson....!!!

I always thought my kids were "above that type of thing".

It didn't even seem like I freaked out....phew.

I said....."what a stinker"!

I recorded working every day on our new house.

Put pictures of the new shower curtain I bought, 

the fancy table cloth, my new strawberry pink Landsend modest swimsuit.

I am almost finished reading the filled journal.

I read many snippets out loud to the kids.

There are some important things I can learn from my 29 year old self.

I am thankful for the sweet reminders.

I dare you to read the book and try this stunt yourself.

See what you have become....

and what you would be missing if you lost 10 years of your memory.

For Tina.

This is a snippet off the running blog

Shut Up + Run!

I read about this guy, and I thought his first marathon experience was 

worth sharing.

Each time T and I have to up our mileage, or think about  an 

upcoming mega run, i.e. 17 miles in the very near future

she stresses and wonders if she can do it.

Always saying that it is not too late to switch down to the half.

I know she is mostly kidding, 

and there is no way we are not running this guy.

I know we will be ready,

 as well as all the other girls running the half or 

whole right a long with us on TEAM NECK n' NECK.

We need to stay inspired and motivated....

check this fella out.

SUAR: What did running your first marathon symbolize to you?

Richard: I trained hard, following any marathon training program I could find on the internet and on social networking sites like Facebook. I was determined that on my 1 year anniversary of starting my weight loss journey I would complete my first full marathon. It so happened to be the Denver Rock n Roll Marathon in 2010. My partner and I were on a pace to complete it around 3:30 and at mile #20 I went down with excruciating pain in my left knee. It took me over an hour and a half to complete the final 6.2 miles, but with indescribable pain I finished it in 4:27.

Everyone told me that you would cry when you reached your goal of finishing your first marathon, however, I was all out of tears from the pain of the last 6.2 miles. Despite the IT Band issue, it was an amazing sense of accomplishment, not only had I lost over 100 pounds but I completed something that only a small percentage of people in the world can say they’ve accomplished. It sparked something in me to embrace a lifestyle of fitness and health, but also to continue to set and reach goals that I never dreamed I would be able to accomplish. It also allowed me to share with others my successes and help them also reach their goals. It also allows me the opportunity to train with my partner.

3 weeks later I registered for and completed the Rock n Roll San Antonio Marathon on my  35^th birthday and was able to cut off 19 minutes off my time. I have not stopped trying to reach new PR’s at every event, all while having the time of my life!

When we finish....

How do you think you will answer that question??

Everything's A OK....

Today is a day of rejoicing.

I am feeling almost normal again.

It has been a rough 5 days.

It started back on Thursday when I felt a possible UTI coming on.

No biggie, I will just drink it off....

been there done that.

Taught my classes on Friday and by that evening

I realized I may not be able to flush it out of my system
on my own.  

The doctor was closed, urgent care had just closed.

I was having real pain and problems and finally 

went to Walgreens for some advice.

I was directed to some miracle medicine that would 

"mask" the symptoms until I could get to a doctor for assistance.

Great.
That stuff worked wonders and very fast.

oh yeah, and it was cheap.

(Just in case you ever get in the same bind)

Phew.....crisis averted.

Saturday comes, I played it safe and skipped my running group....BOO.
Went to a wonderful double baptism for two 

of our primary girls, sisters, Joey and Piper.

Hit the General RS Broadcast,

which the men, Kevin included, served us as waiters.

Loved it.
It was fun ordering him around.

I really enjoyed President Dieter F. Uchtdorf's talk.
It is here for you to enjoy also.

Sunday was our primary program.

I sat with our primary stake president and watched our kids
do their very best work. 

Vanessa lead, and Anita played the piano.

I was so pleased with them all.

It was such a thrill and pleasure to see their hard work pay off.

After I took over for V for the most part,
 so she could have a little break.
We had a fun sharing time, and then an ice cream social.

Very delicious and fun.

By Sunday night again I was in dire straights.

I called my mom....

she said why on earth don't you call your doctor?

Mom, they are closed.

So what?  You can still call for help.
hmmmm.....????

My memory starts kicking in.....

wait a minute.

Yeah......they have a doctor on call at all times,

I used to use it all the time for my kids.

I forgot about it for me.

I called, I asked if it was ok if I took another pill, I didn't want it 

to interfere with my sample when I came to the doctor

the next day.

The doctor said, yes, of course take it.

You don't need to be uncomfortable and in pain.

We will treat you no matter what,
 we will still be able to see the white blood cells.

Awwwww....thank you!

Third dose down.

Monday morning I go into the doc....got a prescription, went and filled it.....

all went seamlessly.

I took my first antibiotic.....

it was then that things began to go very, very wrong.

I had a slight fever when I went in,

I came home and had a hot bath,

then went to bed.

Thought I would take it easy, and maybe when I got up

just do some light scrap booking.

Woke up sweating my brains out and nauseous.

Spent the day vomiting and with the runs like non other I have experienced before,

except for once almost 20 years ago while living in Louisiana.

I called the doctor again.

I said I don't think I am on the right medication.

Well, I bet you just have the flu....it would be highly unusual for 

one pill to cause such a reaction.
Do you even know the side effects?

Get a clue!
Kev gave me a blessing and headed off to North Carolina.
The kids opened cans and fed them selves for the next two days.
They loved it.....made all their favorites.
We worked together keeping things picked up.
Yesterday I was feeling better, in that I was no longer throwing up,
but I still had no energy, must have been the "muscle weakness" side effect!
naaaaaaa, probably not, what are the chances?

I would stand, go put away 6 papers.
and lay down for a rest.
Stand, go load the dishwasher with 10 items,
take a break.
My only goal was to get fresh fruit and vegetables back into the house.
At this rate I knew there was no way I was making it to Sams.
V stepped up to the plate and saved the day.
She took my list and nailed it. 

Huge blessing!!!

By evening....somebody was seriously craving a hamburger.
What???!!!
Can you believe that?
I was so happy to feel that way....
still not quite right in the belly,
but still....if that is what I was hankering,
there must be a reason,
 I went with it.
The kids were surprised, but happy to oblige.
Went to Wendys and got a Jr. Deluxe.
It sat well.
Guess I needed some red meat protein.
We watched The X Factor and all went to bed.
I woke up once, drenched in sweat, changed, went back to bed.
Maybe that was the last of it leaving my system.
I woke up feeling so wonderful!!

I am so happy.
I am so grateful.
I am not certain that the UTI won't come back
because I only took one pill and will never take another.
But at least I can start fresh.
I had thoughts that maybe my sojourn on this earth were coming to
an end a few times.
I was ok with that.....it is all in Gods hands.
What a wimp.
I have a renewed respect and awe factor for those that suffer continually.
I truly do not know how they move from day to day.

I sprang out of my bed directly to my knees.
Thanking Heavenly Father for heath and strength.
Jovially woke the kids up and asked if they wanted sweet rolls for breakfast!!
Yeah!

Mom is back in town kids!
Unfortunately my children are still eating from cans.....
but at least I am the one opening them.

11th DAY OF THE 9th MONTH

After church the kids and I always take out the papers.

I divy out the two sports pages to 

Ethan and Ryker.

Lawson and McCauley each get one of the comics.

I get all the guts... ads, coupons, and such.

M usually asks me to read a comic or two to her.

Today she asked me to read this one....

at first glance I was like, 

awwww, geez McCauley,

why this one?

(It was not her typical choice, usually she chooses the ones

with girls and cute kids)

I started reading....

I got quite, 

and had to stop on a few occasions because I got

choked up.

At the end M said she didn't really catch what was funny 

about it.

It caught me off guard to.

I appreciated it.

M said excitedly.....

Ohhhhhh, so that's what 9/11 is!

While I was in the hall with one of the older

girls today she asked me if I knew what 9/11 was.

I said I didn't, 

but then she walked away without telling me.

Then when we were singing I asked my friend 

why she was wearing the american flag today.

She said she didn't know,

her mom just gave it to her.

Now I get it!!

It was to remember 9/11.

We talked more about it.

I explained the words she didn't understand like terrorists.

It got me finally thinking back on that day.

I remember I was ironing,

I never iron.

I had the t.v. on in the day....

I never have the t.v. on in the day time.

I remember watching it unfold in disbelief.

The boys have football on now.

M and I keep running in to watch the 

commemoration tributes that are going on in-between

the playing of the game. 

I am grateful that others remember,

so that I cannot forget.

CTR....

For as long as I can remember....

(that is not saying much)

Kevin and I have had a struggle with a certain issue

in our marriage.

I hate to call it a "Power Struggle",

it was more of a "I'm RIGHT, and You are Wrong"

kind of thing. 

I was clearly in the right.

Completely justified in my actions.

.

The other day, maybe even two weeks ago,

Kevin said to me,

I want you to stop throwing my clothes up into the top 

of my closet.

I said, you mean when you leave your suit coat, pants, and white

shirt draped on the kitchen chairs you 

no longer want me to get them out of sight and 

chuck them in your closet?

Yes.

After 18 years of marriage I want you to understand 

that you are never going to train me to hang up 

my clothes by teaching me a lesson.

It is never going to work.

Please stop throwing my clothes in my closet.

OK.

This was such an interesting conversation for me.

It was almost like I was watching it apart from 

myself.

Standing back a little.

Sounds dumb....but I knew right then and there that

that was the right choice.

I will never lay, throw, pack, or jam Kev's 

clothes into his closet again.

It was the end of almost 20 years of conflict and not a little 

bit of resentment at times.

Since that time,

I no longer leave Kevin's pants or shorts out of the wash if he 

leaves his belt in.

If they are on the floor,

I pick them up and look at them,

smell them, as if they were my own,

then I take the belt out, hang it up,

 and either put the shorts/pants in the wash,

or I fold them and put them on his shelf in a loving manner.

I have not been involved with his church clothes once yet.

He has taken them in and hung them up.

But I would do it if I saw that he forgot,

or got busy.

I am looking for the chance when I get to do this for him.

I realized that it is a small and simple thing that I can

do to serve and support him.

What changed?

Why was my heart so soft that day?

Why did it take us (me) nearly 20 years to find peace 

with such a ridiculous precedence I had set?

Since the clothing thing I have 

added pre-loading K's tooth brush each morning and night.

Dumb, maybe, but he has noticed.

This quote is taped in my planner to remind me-

"The small things remind you of why you 

are with this person"

Talent Show Preview....

We know our missionaries are inspiring pertaining to  

things of the spirit....

but I had no idea 

this Elder would be so dynamic and 

physically inspiring as well.

I wanna do that!!

My sister HB had a pretty sweet blog post today.

It is HERE.

...do you have the guts to read it?

Her quote for the day was worth coping.

 "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever"

  Lance Armstrong 

RAW.

This past Saturday, and then again this morning

a few of us hit the beach for an 

early morning barefoot run.

Conditions were perfect on both days,

however,

 today a few of us were feeling 

the exfoliating effects of the sand a little

too deeply.

I am home now with 4 raw toes.

A few minutes ago

I was limping a litte through the front room,

and mumbled something to myself like,

oh, wow...my toes are so sore.

M was behind the couch and said,

"Well, that's what you get."

Sonia, her daughter Nyssa, Maria, and Vanessa

I thought, you are right little lady.

That is what I get....

and I am glad to take it.

I will take sore toes as my reward any day for

seizing the morning and sprinting 

in the sand, running in the surf,

smelling the sea air, taking in the sunrise,

all in the company of kindred spirits I adore.

 Vanessa, me, Christi, Emily, and Jac

I will take it any day of the year.

 Some idiot in this picture needs to learn how to jump!!

...and I'm not talking about the second from the left,

at least that person can strike a pose.

McCauley begged me not to embarrass myself, but to crop me out....

I opted to just darken it enough so every face was unrecognizable.

I liked the picture too much not to post it.

One of my dear friends opted out of every picture.

She does not appreciate me taking photos of her

sweating her brains out.

She thinks exercise is a personal, private event.

I say, GET OVER IT!!!  

Bring on the photos!!

I am motivated and inspired when I see other women

working hard, sweating, and pushing themselves

to their limits.

 Going all in and not holding back.

I am completely aware that during my workouts I am 

not my most attractive and glamourous!

 I am not out there to be prissy or keep my hair in place and 

look hot.

I am out there to SWEAT!!!

I am out there to wiggle my jiggle and FIRM IT UP!!

It is a similar motivation I get when I drive past 

runners on a race day.

I can't help getting choked up.

I see them out there toiling and sweating away.

 I know what they are experiencing.

I know the hard work they have put in,

the set backs, the triumphs, the thrill of pushing 

past another milestone they never thought they could.

They are going to experience the satisfaction 

of finishing something amazing that they set out

to do for themselves.

Even though they may be in pain, and close to barfing,

or just having barfed...

it will be one of their finest moments,

and absolutely worth every raw toe they ever

walked on.

I want to be out there with them.

Who could resist this???

WHO??

F.R.I.E.N.D.S...

A few years ago Tina and I were asked to speak 

at our visiting teaching conference.

It was held at Dana McArthurs house....

remember that T?

Vanessa, I think you had just moved into the ward....

that was the first night we met.

(so it had to be more than a few years ago.....maybe 5?)

I remember being super excited to meet you,

I think you had some kind of monkey watch on, 

it was red,

and I made fun of you for standing like a ballerina.

remember?

Tina and I had fun that night,

we planned and really got into our assignment.

I have always loved visiting teaching,

being one, and having them myself.

Sure sometimes it is an added pressure and a hassle 

to get the monthly visits in,

but for the most part I truly enjoy the journey of getting

to know the other sisters on my list.

When I get changes I can't help but think in terms of 

oh boy, oh boy......who is going to be my new 

FRIEND??

Some of my very dearest friends have developed 

because of our simple beginnings as visiting teaching partners

or assignments.

I have kept our little handout on my inspiration board 

ever since our presentation...

We had fun coming up with our favorite words that

describe what visiting teaching means

to us - 

It means FRIENDS....

our friends are FUN...duh, 

we learn to RESPECT 

those that we visit and get to know....I find that I am 

constantly astonished when I take the time to get to know others.

My preconceived notions are always flying out the window 

and my eyes are opened to the person that they really are.

I love the IMPRINT that we can make on each

others lives.

Nothing is better than EXPANDING our circle 

of friendship.

My NEEDS have been met on numerous occasions

by my visiting teachers...

i.e. rides to the airport...I love you Nancy!  

there have been times I have needed to 

 DEPEND on my visiting teachers,

my friends, I want those that I visit to be able to trust 

and depend on me.

They are my STEWARDSHIP....

my sisters are in my care.

I almost missed this months temple visit....

that would have been a bummer,

on my sixth month running streak!

It was trickier than usual to match up our schedules and

get ourselves out there.

Yesterday a few of us managed it.

I fought tooth and nail trying to stay awake during the session.

......I later heard I was not alone in that fight....

but we made it, did our best,

 and I am happy we did.

Maria, Christi - who is brand new in our ward!! -

super stoked to have her, Colleen, and me.

"Visiting teaching is a relationship, 

not just an assignment;

it's a search for new ways of 

strengthening and developing a friendship."

Ensign, June 1978

Forced Quit.....

Ever since our trip to Utah I have not gotten on the scale.

Big whoop, right?

Well, before that, for many months prior to July 4th 

I was a "Weigh In Nazi Freak".

Every morning....go pee, get naked, weigh in.

Will I start my day out totally stoked??

feeling skinny and CONFIDENT?

or be down in the dumps, disappointed that I am 

not hitting my ideal number....again?

Would I look forward to a relaxed eating day,

or would this be a make up day for my freakish indulgences 

of yesterday?

This is kind of an embarrassing post.

It is personal, and I am admitting my imperfections

and personality flaws and the rigid

pressure that I occasionally indulge in....

I imagine it could be very annoying to read.

There are certainly bigger issues in this life.

I share this because I know I am not alone.....

and because I have been implementing changes in my 

attitude and behavior that feel more healthy and 

realistic to maintain.

So, back to the scale thing.

I really loved not weighing myself in Utah.

There was a scale in the bathroom,

but I never stepped on it,

not once.

I was on vacation for crying out loud.

I never stopped working out, I continued planning 

my classes and pushing myself physically.

But I didn't want to invite my own criticism into my 

time off if I found I was over 120lbs.

That is my number of choice -

120

I pick that number because that was my weight in high school.

....and because it looks good, I like that it is even,

and ends in a zero.

I can tell you now that I did not have a single muscle in my

body at that time.  

I may have looked slender,

but I was completely out of shape.

So today, knowing what I know about 

fitness, and the ABSOLUTE FACT 

that MUSCLE WEIGHS more than FAT!!!

......but takes up less room.

That is the important part.

IT TAKES UP LESS ROOM!!

Whoooohooo!

I still am driven to that stupid number.

Since I have gotten home, 

like I said, I have not taken my scale out.

It has been a month now.

Yowsa!

At first I was too afraid.

I did not want to face any disappointment.

but now..

I like not having to be driven by that stinking scale!

at first I loved it so much.

I really felt like it helped me stay in control,

gave me a guideline.

But I would be lying if I said it did not play a part in 

my daily highs and lows.

I have finally taken a look at where I am now.

I like where I am at.

I like my body.

I am proud of my efforts.

I like my strong shoulders....I work hard for the shape I see.

My guns...I see the definition,

and it is beautiful.

Slightly narrower hips....thank you running.

My abdominal muscles are strong and support my back.

My core is powerful.

My knees are well oiled and comfortable.

I am not skinny.

I am not going to be skinny....ever.

My goals for myself include being fit, healthy and STRONG.

Not even in the same category with skinny.

I am removing that word from my vocab.

I will always maintain the goal to not have a muffin top.

I guess I feel like I need to put this out there.

When I am standing there teaching a class I feel like 

people expect to see a certain body and level of fitness.

I want to deliver that.

I want you to see a healthy example and a fit person

that can potentially inspire and motivate you.

You will not see a skinny one.

I am ok with that.

In the  August SELF magazine there

is an article about Alison Sweeney - the host of the 

Biggest Loser...
I am not really of fan of hers, or really even the show,
but

She had had the same hang up....

really focusing on the scale.

She finally made the shift in her focus....instead of a number

on the scale,

she made it about being healthy and that made 

all the difference.  

I like her tips and her attitude and feel like I am 

finally on that track.

My Mac computer has something called a 

Forced Quit.

It is used when a program will not shut down on it's

own when told to do so.

It gets hung up for one reason or another, and I have to go 

in and command a Force Quit.

I have implemented a Force Quit on my unhealthy 

obsessive weighing in.

I recommend it.

It has made a big difference in my state of mind,

and helped me to recognize more of the positive

attributes about myself and my body,

rather than focusing only on the 

one negative, unrealistic goal I was 

unable to maintain. 

Any thoughts?